It wasn't a Christmas tree kind of year.  Between grueling visits to Dana Farber for cancer treatments, no holiday gatherings or parties, and my kids being away for Christmas, I just wasn't feeling the holiday spirit. It's not that I'm depressed, but I've had zero motivation to get a tree or decorate the house.  Bah humbug.

I'm so lucky to be a part of an incredible support group called CLL Women Strong for women living with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL), which I cofounder and facilitate with my friend Michele Nadeem Baker.  Our group members are the most amazing, kind, and supportive women.

I posted an Instagram story last week about my pitiful holiday decorations (a few straggly branches on the mantle) and the fact that I wasn't getting a tree this year.  Besides lacking the spirit of the season, our "faux" tree is a train wreck. A few years ago we decided to make the switch to an artificial tree and purchased one of the fold-up umbrella types.  Opening it was a breeze, but folding it up with a joke. Richard and I simply couldn't figure it out, so we dragged it to the basement after the holidays, scratching the walls and woodwork on the way down.  It's been pitifully sitting on the cellar floor (fully opened) since last Christmas. Due to basement construction work, now it's almost impossible to get the tree upstairs.  Couple this with the fact that I'm feeling like Scrooge, and it's a treeless Christmas.

Not so fast.  Catherine, a support group member and new friend, took pity and asked if she could buy me a tree. As sweet as the gesture was, of course I said ''no''.  How could l accept her offer since I can easily afford to buy one myself? I thanked her profusely for her kindness, but declined.

Fast forward to a week later, Richard announced that there was a tree on our front steps.  I thought he was kidding, so I brushed him off.  But yep, the sweetest 3' live tree in its own stand was sitting on our front steps.  I knew right away who had sent it. 

I texted Catherine to confirm that she was my Secret Santa and got this reply.

"LOL what tree?!? The lights will come on Wednesday and little red and gold ornaments on Thursday so you don't have to go digging around for anything.  Easy peasy! I want you to feel the Christmas spirit and know that you are loved and appreciated."

Such kindness. Such amazing humanity. Such love and friendship.  I cried tears of appreciation. This was truly one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. Catherine, thank you for making Christmas brighter and happier. It's amazing how this tree has shifted my mood.  I smile every time I look at it.

Penny loves the tree too and we had so much fun putting the decorations on it.  It's just her size!

The post is sponsored by Vegamour, but all opinions expressed are my own. 

 Vegamour reached out to me several months ago to see if I would be interested in testing out their GRO Hair Serum, GRO Biotin Gummies, and GRO Advanced Lash Serum.  As I hope you know by now, paid or unpaid, I will only give honest reviews about products that I review. 

Vegamour; An Honest Review Of The GRO Hair Serum & GRO Advanced Lash Serum

Over the past few years, I've noticed major thinning around my hairline, brows and lashes. I used to have super thick hair, so it's disturbing to see the changes.  My lashes were never very long (grateful for mascara), but they also weren't stubs like they are now!

I had heard good things about Vegamour from researching online and also from other influencers who have talked about the products.  I like that they contain sustainably harvested organic plant extracts cruelty free (Leaping Bunny) and made with safe vegan formulas.  I was looking for a chemical-free option that was actually effective and I found it.  I also like that the GRO Hair Serum isn't heavy or greasy and doesn't weight my hair down. 

A few months ago I started using the GRO Hair Serum twice a day and the GRO Advanced Lash Serum once a day --so far, so good!

Does Vegamour Really Work?

Let's me say that there is no miracle for regrowing hair.  Even some of the strong over the counter products like Minoxidil are not going to grow back a head-full of hair. So I was not expecting Vegamour to work magic, but what I did notice is less shedding and lots of new baby hairs growing in around my hairline.  I'll take it!

Before and After

Take a peek at my before and after photos.  There is a noticeable difference.

As you may know, I started treatment for Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) last week. I've been grateful to remain in a "watch and wait" for the past four years, but honestly, it hasn't been as good as it may seem.  I felt like I was walking on eggshells, not knowing when my health would go south. Imagine living with cancer, but not doing anything about it!

A few months ago, it became apparent that the time had come for treatment. My white blood cell count (WBC) hit 345,000 (cancer cells), my bone marrow was at 90% cancer, and some of my other numbers bottomed out.  Although there is no cure for CLL, there are treatments to keep it at bay and even catapult a remission (I'm hoping for that!).  

I had the option of choosing between a trial and a standard treatment at Dana Farber in Boston.  After digging into the research and speaking with doctors and other CLL patients, I decided to go with the standard protocol, a combination of Obinutuzimab (infusions) and Venetoclax (an oral drug).  The treatment  begins with infusions that happen over six months, followed by the oral drug which gets introduced three weeks after the start of the infusions and carries over for the duration of the year.  At the end of the year,  a bone marrow biopsy determines if remission is achieved. Patients on this treatment  plan with my cancer markers, have an 80% chance of going into a remission for 5+ years until they need additional treatment.  These drugs literally blast cancer away like dynamite.

Let me back up to tell you that I'm the type of person who doesn't even like to take a Tylenol! So the thought of pumping my body with toxic drugs took quite a bit of processing.  I had to shift my thoughts and look at the treatment as a "GOOD THING", instead of something harmful.  Gratitude helps too.  I'm grateful to live near excellent medical care and have access to cutting edge drugs that could put me into remission. I'm also grateful for the support of my husband (who is incredible), friends (old and new), family, support groups, and community. When life throws you lemons, squeeze some lemonade.

And of course, I want to LIVE!  After all Penny needs her Sue-Sue, and I have lots of memories to make with my amazing kids and family.

I started the first two infusions last week, and although the experience was far from fun, I got through it. I did have a few bumps though, including a rapid heart-rate that caused a pause in the treatment.  All went well until Saturday when high fevers, uncontrollable shaking, and major fatigue set in.  The drug almost worked TOO well, creating a horrible inflammatory response in my body.  Imagine, 345,000 cancer cells dying within 24 hours releasing toxins in the blood! This was NOT what I was expecting.

Although I had a 4:00 a.m. ER visit last weekend and I'm still feeling HORRIBLE, I'm hopeful that the side-effects will pass over the week.  If things don't improve, a hospital stay may be necessary. Fingers crossed that this is transient.

Living with cancer and now dealing with treatment, has given me a personal understanding and deep empathy for what cancer patients go through.  It's hard, very hard.  When people say, "you have the good kind of cancer", "just live your life", or "you're lucky it's chronic",  quite honestly I get pretty angry.  There is NO good cancer and chronic diseases mean that there is no cure.  The anxiety and stress of having cancer (or any serious illness) is overwhelming. No judgement please--just support.

If you or someone you know is impacted by cancer (all types), please follow Kicking Cancer in Heels on Instagram and Facebook.  I co-founded this positive and hopeful community with the amazing and inspiring patient advocate Michele Nadeem Baker.  One of the gifts of the pandemic and CLL has been my special friendship with Michele and connecting with women all over the country sharing our cancer journeys and supporting each other,

By the way, I took comments off this blog because I'm having a hard time managing everything.  But please reach out to me on Instagram and Facebook. I love hearing from you! I also hope you'll subscribe to my blog to stay in touch.  The mobile version has the sign-up link at the bottom of the page, and desktop has it at the top. 

Thanks for stopping by.  Here's to a cure for ALL cancers!

With love,

xx Susan

#AD This post has been sponsored by Idorsia, but all opinions expressed are my own.

Let's talk sleep, or lack of it in my case. I've been sleep deprived for years due to multiple factors including menopause, stress, and health issues.  Lack of sleep causes real problems that can impact physical and mental health, work, relationships, our appearance, and the way we function in the world.  The statistics are staggering. According to a recent survey of 1,000+ U.S. adults conducted by The Alliance for Sleep, approximately 7.125 billion dollars was spent during the past year on products to help sleep. Check it out here. . Guess I'm in good company!

Insomnia has had a huge impact on me, as well as those around me (sorry Richard!).  When I'm sleep deprived, I'm irritable, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, and downright unproductive. When I sleep too late in the morning then I'm behind on everything. It's not a good feeling! Sleep issues have also had a negative impact on my energy level and physical health. Being in a chronic state of sleep deprivation might make you feel like eventually that becomes "normal", but it's NOT! By the way, in case you didn't know, sleep is the third pillar of health along with diet and exercise, and it is crucial for our wellbeing!  I learned this here. 

But it's not all gloom and doom.  I am thrilled and honored to be a part of the Seize the Night and Day campaign to bring awareness to insomnia.  The information is eye opening (no pun intended) and has helped me to incorporate better sleep habits that have truly made a difference in the quality and quantity of my sleep. I've learned so much about insomnia, both the facts and myths.  

I'm happy to say that I am finally sleeping better. I've carved out a sleep routine including cutting screen time  before bed, decreasing my daily caffeine intake, going to bed at the same time every night, listening to a meditation to help me doze off, and keeping my room as cool as possible (I get SO hot at night!).  There is a ton of valuable information on the website, so take a peek here and share with others who are also having sleep difficulties.   

Thanks for stopping by. Sweet dreams tonight!

xx Susan

#seizethenightandday #idorsiapartner 

 Links in this post generate a commission, but know that I only post what I love and have tested out! 

A personal health coach, exercise and cooking classes, yoga, mediations, health resources, and a supportive community ALL designed for us over 50 folks and accessible right from your phone or computer...too good to be true? Nope, it's real and actually the first of  of its kind!